Get Interviewer to like you – Build Rapport

Prepare your upcoming job interview in Belgium. Practice it Live with an Interview Expert and stop being #2 on the short list. This is an NLP technique, which Erica Elias, interview expert, has adapted to the job interview. It’s called Pacing , Future Pacing and Mirroring. These techniques help you to build rapport in a job interview and increase your chances to get hired in your upcoming job interview. In order to get the interviewer to like you, you want to build rapport with the interviewer.

PACING can be very powerful technique when used to develop rapport with another person. Pacing means that you act like a person. Pacing is matching, doing something in sequence with another person. For example, if you’re breathing with another person, if they slow down your breathing, to adapt to your own, then you’re leading them, which is how you can identify if you’re in rapport with them.

So, if they start talking really fast, and then you start talking really fast, and then you slow down your speech, and then they slow down their speech, then you’re leading them and they are in rapport with you.

The idea is that if someone looks like you, then you’ll like them. So, you can mirror them or match them. Matching is doing exactly what other is doing and mirroring them is doing something just opposite, so it looks like a mirror (for example, if they raise their right hand, you raise your left hand). You do this using many non-verbal communication skills: imitating the voice, breathing, gestures/postures and language. When you think about it, this makes sense also in that human beings think with their entire mind and body. We can’t think without having an influence on our body. We usually ‘tune’ our body into breathing patterns, voice, and gestures in order to help us with our thinking. Some people think mainly with their language and word choices, which is usually using symbols and facts, statistics and logical arguments.

Representational Types: Visual, Auditory, Kinaesthetic

Another important technique that I’ve used in this project is to raise the awareness about how to identify and build rapport with our ‘representational type of person’. Once you understand the key characteristics of the type of person, you can better match or mirror them, thereby building greater understanding and even further rapport.

The representational type shows us how a person operates in the world, which language and non-verbal traits they tend to use most often. There are 3 main representational types of persons: Visual, Auditory or Kinaesthetic. This was developed by Richard Bandler, the founder of NLP and which is now part of his NLP trainings that he gives and continues to write and experiment with. He said that psychologists were supposed to be great observers of people. However, they didn’t notice that when a person says, “I see, they looked up”. Or, I see what you say; or let me see what you say…and they would look up. And so he started to put things together and realized that people communicated non-verbally with their eye pattern when they said, “I see what you’re saying”. It wasn’t just a figure of speech, but it was literally that they were seeing what you we’re seeing. It was a visual image. Or, he discovered this principle with “I hear what you are saying”. This lead to developing 3 different representational types of persons, , the Visual (“I see”), the Auditory (“I hear”) and the Kinaesthetic, “I feel”, which explains how people experience the world. We all have a predominant type but not exclusively are dedicated to this one representation. We have influences from the other types as well.

Visual Representational Type

The visual person uses their eyes as the main dominant sense in order to make their way around the world. In is said that 60% of the population is visual. It is not proven why this is the case, but in our society, we are programmed by visual cues all around us, especially in modern times, where we receive a lot of input through Television, magazines, advertising, movies. Therefore, visual persons will generally have professions that are artists (painters, photographers, or in movie making).
Or, can also be found in the professions such as pilots or fire fighters.

Visuals are usually full of energy and are attracted to the speed of light, appearances, aware of design, images, style. They are often more direct and even ‘jerky’ in their gestures and movement.

The rapport we create through this type of visual representation is so powerful. It is even said that John F. Kennedy won the elections due to his visual expression and charisma during the political debates, he looked like a leader and was thought to be someone who meant what he said. However, those that were listening to the radio and did not have access to his visual expressions, thought that Nixon had won the debates. Since this time, there is more and more importance on the visual representation in political elections.

Another example is that of the actor Roger Moore, who has very expressive facial expressions when he acts. If you took this away, you would be removing 90% of his artistic skill. Or, you can close your eyes and imagining Robin Williams in a concert. This is almost impossible because he is such a visual person, not auditory.

Non-Verbal Communication Cues to identify Visual Persons

The visual person looks up frequently, to the right or left and they usually stay in that position when they are going back into their memory. Their voice tone and tempo is usually more rapid and they have a high clear voice tone.
Their breathing is high shallow breathing in the top part of the chest. They have more tension in the body in their postures and their necks are usually extended in their gestures. They are usually more thinner body types.

Being in Rapport with Visuals

In order to be in total rapport and better understand a visual person, here are some clues about their non-verbal communication style, which you can observe and then mirror back to them.

To be in rapport with visual types, it’s important to use similar words and phrases that mirror them. For example, “Do you see anything wrong with this plan?” and responding by saying, “I don’t sense anything wrong” is incongruous. The word ‘sense’ is more of a kinaesthetic word. The best way to reply to have rapport would be “I don’t see any thing wrong with this plan”.

Language of Visuals

The type of language and words are also a way to identify the persons representational type, in addition will show you how they lead you for the moment. The language that persons use usually coorelates highly with the persons thoughts. Visual persons will usually use visual words to express themselves, and will show you their understanding of you by using words or expressions like:

That’s clear to me.
I see what you mean.
Can you picture that?
Can you focus on this?
Now I see the light.

Therefore, if you want to have rapport with a visual person, it is best to use their same language.

Auditory Representational Type

Auditory people generally experience the world through sounds and is estimated to be about 20% of the population. They are very sensitive to by inoffensive sounds. Often they are the types of persons that may ask to have something repeated in a conversation, for example, “sorry, can you repeat that.” It is not that they are bad listeners or uninterested in what you are saying, but often they have simply been distracted by another sound during the conversation. In fact, they are considered to be the best listeners. However, at the same time, as they are sometimes not aware of their own sounds, they can be known to dominate a conversation. They can build a whole image with a simple sound. They like very much to talk, of course with other people but also even with themselves. They could even be considered the type of persons that can be the most alone or independent, wrapped up in their own thoughts, interpreting the world around them.

The auditory usually has a profession like musician, translators and linguists, singer, record producer, those working with the clergy and orators. They are also usually attached more to animals and can communicate on their level by kneeling down and speaking to them. They often are also known to really appreciate ‘form and symmetry’ in their verbal communication style. One way to build rapport with an auditory person is to speak in a more subtle way and be careful about how direct or loud you are. Whispering used sparingly can also really entice an auditory type. If you speak in a more smooth elegant way, then they are more apt to liking you. They are often less ‘energetic’ than the visual type and usually have gestures which are more flowing and graceful.

It is important to be aware of the main representational type of person but realize that they are not entirely that only type. It is possible for a type to lead with a different representational type for a particular task or behaviour. For example, an auditory person but use a ‘kinaesthetic, intuition feeling’ when selling something or the ‘visual’ when he selects his partner. However, you can start to really identify a representational type in a person if they use the ‘auditory’ for the majority of tasks they set out to do.

Language of Auditory types

Auditory persons use a specific language and words which all matches with their type and is linked to their thoughts and way of thinking. These words help you to identify them and can be used in order to build rapport. Here are some examples:

Tell me what you think.
That sounds clear to me, pristine as a bell.
Can we talk about that later?
Can you hear what I’m saying?

Non-Verbal Communication clues to identify an auditory person

Their eye movement when you ask them a question is usually in mid line. They move from side to side to hear sounds, when recalling from the past or when they imagine new sounds in order to please them. Their voice tone and speed of speaking is usually like a melody, resonant, medium paced and very often they can even have an underlying rhythm. Their breathing is even and comes from the middle part of their chest. Their postures and gestures are often medium (mesophormic) body type. They are usually in between the slim visual type and the muscular kinaesthetic type. There are sometimes rhythmic movements of the body as if they were listening to music. When they are thinking or deep in thought, their head can be slightly tilted in a ‘telephone position’ or you might even see their hand rested on their ear. Their voices are usually rich in timbre and they have an almost lush intonation, especially when telling a story.

Kinaesthetic representational type of person

The kinaesthetic representational type of person experiences the world through their ‘feelings’. They want others to understand their sentiments and are very sentimental sensitive people. These people like to ‘feel’; they have an ability to really get into the joy, sadness, pain, happiness, whole heartily. They are persons who enjoy being ‘in rapport’ the most. They truly want to understand the other, to ‘laugh’ when the other is laughing. They like to have conversations and communicate with others but not so much for the love of words, but more to translate those words, sounds, images into feelings. Visuals and auditory persons communicate with visuals and sounds, the kinaesthetic attaches sensory meaning to what has been said. They are more emotional persons.

They have a very strong sense of touch, therefore, can succeed in professions that require manual tasks. They are also usually great athletes. Other occupations common to this type are psychologists, potters, surgeons, wood workers, and mechanics.

They usually have a more developed intuition, and ‘sense’ when something is good or bad, right or wrong. However, once again, this representational type doesn’t operate on feelings for every task they do. They predominately, use their feelings, however can also gravitate towards the auditory or visual for a particular endeavour. Often, we can judge these persons for being too emotional and soft, and having misjudgement. They are sometimes over sensitive.

Kinaesthetic representational type of person

The kinaesthetic representational type of person experiences the world through their ‘feelings’. They want others to understand their sentiments and are very sentimental sensitive people. These people like to ‘feel’; they have an ability to really get into the joy, sadness, pain, happiness, whole heartily. They are persons who enjoy being ‘in rapport’ the most. They truly want to understand the other, to ‘laugh’ when the other is laughing. They like to have conversations and communicate with others but not so much for the love of words, but more to translate those words, sounds, images into feelings. Visuals and auditory persons communicate with visuals and sounds, the kinaesthetic attaches sensory meaning to what has been said. They are more emotional persons.

They have a very strong sense of touch, therefore, can succeed in professions that require manual tasks. They are also usually great athletes. Other occupations common to this type are psychologists, potters, surgeons, wood workers, and mechanics.

They usually have a more developed intuition, and ‘sense’ when something is good or bad, right or wrong. However, once again, this representational type doesn’t operate on feelings for every task they do. They predominately, use their feelings, however can also gravitate towards the auditory or visual for a particular endeavor. Often, we can judge these persons for being too emotional and soft, and having misjudgement. They are sometimes over sensitive.

Non-Verbal Communication clues to identify a kinaesthetic representational type

There are certain signals or clues that give us reason to believe that we are communicating with a kinaesthetic person. Their eyes are usually looking downwards, to the right (as you look at them), below the mid line. Their voice tone and tempo is low and of deeper tonality, often slow and soft, with many pauses. They have a breathing style which is deep, usually coming from the abdomen. Their posture and gestures are usually displaying signs of their head down, having a relaxed muscle tone, having rounded shoulders, and may gesture to the abdomen and midline.

Language of Kinaesthetic types

The kinaesthetic type usually uses words and phrases like:

  • I have a gut feeling that this is not going to work out.
  • I sense that you’re right.
  • Let’s get a handle on this situation.

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